CD 2 - bitterness has set in.

Ok I did finally shed a tear or two in the bath tub last night.

I started thinking about how if I got preggo this new cycle I wouldn't be due until November.....meaning that I'd have to find some short-term job between May and November. I can't get a new job easily if I'm already pregnant. I know you are supposed to keep living like you would and keep trying and work it out when it happens. That is WAY too difficult for me. I've always had a plan for everything. This weird unknown causes me tremendous stress is so many ways.

I also started thinking about how I've been on baby center for a year and all the BFPs people get. How it isn't fair.

I'm still in a bad mood, but better today. AHHHH, the roller coaster. Why can't I be one of those people that doesn't care?

I started looking at those clearblue fertility monitor thingies. Does anyone know if those are worth it? I can't decide - but if I wanted to use one this cycle I'd have to get it ASAP.

Well on to cycle # 6 of TTC.

CD1 again

Here I am.....again. Strangely I didn't cry this time. I usually have a cry on CD1. It isn't always a big production. Sometimes I just get a little teary and angry and then go on. Today I just predicted it. If she hadn't shown today was the day I was going to test (would've been CD34). SO I woke up having to pee and I peed in a cup just in case, but I had this feeling and told myself well right after I pee I bet if I wipe (sorry for the graphic-ness) that I will be spotting. My psychic abilities were spot on. I wasn't that sad for some reason. Maybe because it was the perfect day to start because it is a snow day here and school is canceled!! The perfect day to be grumpy and crampy. OR maybe my expectations have diminished completely and I think I'll never get pregnant so I am actually starting to expect a BFN.

The sadder frustrating part is that on my small board on babycenter, almost EVERY one is pregnant. On our January post, there were 5 of us (that is all that is left and one of those people is new) and 2 people got preggo. One girl has been trying about as long as I have and I'm very excited for her. I'm also excited for the others too. They are all great women and I love talking with them (well typing with them). BUT it is so scary to be the 'last picked'.

Maybe I can make a margarita with snow? Oh and I need to vent about student teaching. Geez I've only been there two days, but it has been nutty. 9th graders are crazier than I remember. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get these kids under control. The teacher I'm following doesn't seem to have them under too much control. I'm scared! Also, she wants to just throw me into teaching - she just said 'oh go over these notes', but didn't give me the notes to look at a head of time. I am a planner people!!! We'll see how next week goes. At least it keeps my mind occupied.

CD 26, 6-7DPO

I'm on the verge of freaking out. I'm trying to stay calm, but too much is going on in my brain! AF is due anywhere from this weekend to the middle of next week. Also, I start my student teaching next week! Too much going on all at once for me. I am glad though that if I am let down again that I hopefully will have my mind occupied with student teaching. Although I definitely don't want a let down to interfere with student teaching. What if I start my first day of student teaching!!! OH NO, I just thought about that. I don't know much about how the whole teaching thing will go, but when I observed I only had like a few minutes to go to the bathroom and the closest one was the one where high school girls were hanging out gossiping. Oh dear. I always imagine the worst scenarios. Well I hope if she comes to town that it is sooner than later I guess.

As for symptoms:
1. had a headache the last two days, but it is gone now.
2. have some twinges down low, but I think I've had these before when I ended up not being preggo.
3. I did feel slightly nauseous, but I think I was just hungry.

Anywho, it really is too early to feel symptoms anyways.

Dancing queen

We've been BD'ing for 3 straight days and since I FINALLY (CD19 today) got my positive OPK, we will continue our dancing for a few more nights. Yesterday I was going to post my fertility friend charts, but everything has been so hectic and then today got a super positive OPK.

On another note - the reason I've been insanely busy is because tomorrow is my LAST DAY at work/grad school!!!! I feel so weird about it - I cleaned out my office today.

Ok third thing - I just found out about this great bakery that specializes in cupcakes!!!!!

Now I'm gonna go nuts in the 2ww.

O did I O?

That is the question that plagues us continually!!!!

My temps have been funny and I haven't had a + OPK yet, so I'm a little annoyed. I'm on CD 16, which is the CD I ovulated on last month. Of course I expect that if I did indeed have a CP last month, then my cycle MAY be slightly off. I sure hope so!!!!

In other new: Friday will be my LAST day in the lab. I will start my student teaching Jan 25th! It is so weird to leave. I've been doing research for 7 years now. Teaching suddenly seems so scary....

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine if you were one of those extra fertile people that accidentally get preggo when on birth control pills or after one unprotected rendevous? I was reading a 'mommy blog' the other day that mentioned her redneck neighbors who had twins and lived with their siblings that had quadruplets au natural! I think that getting pregnant completely unplanned sounds scary - but maybe not as scary as not getting pregnant.

Hello 2010! :)

I am a little excited about 2010! I have lots I want to do this year:

• PAINT AND ORGANIZE THE OFFICE (this has been a goal for awhile now)

• Finish my teaching certification - student teaching and PPR exam

• Officially graduate in May - PhD is defended, just need to get the diploma in my hand

• Help DH find a new job in a new city!

• Get pregnant!!!!

• Move to new city!

• Sell our house and find a new one.
  

• Find a job (either research or teaching related) in the new city!